I’ve been a fan of Atop the 4th Wall for a while. AT4W is a webshow in which Linkara reviews bad comic books, while getting caught up in some comic book shenanigans himself. I would recommend his show to any comic fans, or those who (in his words) love the lavishly ludicrous. Watching his show has helped shape my own writing style, and so I wrote this fan script for an AT4W comic book.
The following characters that appear in this comic are characters featured on Channel Awesome.These characters belong to their respective owners.
PAGE ONE: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. LINKARA, sitting on his green futon, holds up a comic book (if there’s space, the cover should be identical to this comic book), and points to it angrily.
Somewhere in the Midwest, a humble internet reviewer gives his well-reasoned literary critique.
This comic sucks!
PANEL 2. Linkara leans back, waving his hands in exasperation.
It’s just a bunch of inside meta-jokes and obscure references to some internet review show.
Seriously, who cares?
PANEL 3. Linkara holds the comic book to the side of his face, starting another angry rant when his wrist communicator starts beeping, playing out the “Atop the Fourth Wall” theme song.
Well as far as I’m concerned…
PANEL 4. Linkara looks down at his wrist, suddenly concerned, as he presses a button on his wrist communicator.
…that’s all I have to say about it.
PANEL 5. Linkara, now standing, looks at the “camera” and smiles as he presses a button on his wrist communicator.
Join us next week, unless the earth as we know it has been totally annihilated!
PANEL 6. Same panel as before, only where Linkara was standing has been replaced by a flash of blue energy as Linkara is teleported away.
PAGE TWO: (SPLASH PAGE)
TITLE PAGE: Linkara is teleported to the LinKavern, appearing as another blue energy beam. The LinKavern is a massive cave structure filled hi-tech equipment, racks of exotic weapons, a clothesline filled with identical versions of Linkara’s outfit., and various trophies from his previous victories, and a giant green power coin. Various red alarm lights are flashing. And at the far edge of the LinKavern, sitting between two banks of computers, stands a large tube—containing the giant, floating head of the NOSTALGIA CRITIC (NC). Title Credits.
PAGE THREE: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara stands with his back turned to the page, facing NC’s floating head. NC has a serious, dramatic expression as he gives his dire warning.
What is it, Critic?
Linkara, a crisis is breaking out in the city! You must go immediately to the University of Science and help them before it’s too late!
PANEL 2. Linkara turns to leave with a determined look on his face, while NC shouts back at him with an annoyed expression.
I’m on my way!
And next time, have them just call your cell phone!
PANEL 3. NC berates Linkara from inside the tube, while Linkara, sighing, corrects him.
I’m not going to sit around in your Nerd-Cave–
–and take your messages. I have better stuff to do!
PANEL 4. Linkara rolls his eyes, while NC yells in annoyance.
You know, vaguely defined, cosmic energy-being stuff! I’m a giant floating head in a tube—
–not your damn voicemail!
PAGE FOUR: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. NC grouses in his tube as off screen as Linkara walks away. Linkara’s expression brightens as he sees Pollo floating up to see him.
1-NC (OFF PANEL):
I swear, if I ever have corporeal legs again, I’m using them to kick your–
Ah, Pollo! We have a situation brewing, so I’m taking LinkaraKar 1.
PANEL 2. Linkara briskly walks through the LinKavern, talking excitedly to Pollo who keeps trying to get his attention.
I’m not sure that we’re in for, so LinkaraKar 1’s weapon systems could come in handy.
–laser cannons…ablative armor…I know we haven’t fully tested its flight-mode yet, but…
PANEL 3. Linkara suddenly stops, a shocked expression on his face as he sees the off-panel horror in front of him. Pollo hovers behind him.
PANEL 4. Linkara explodes, while Pollo hovers back.
What the happened to LinkaraKar 1?
Nineties Kid found where you hid the keys.
PAGE FIVE: (5 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara whirls around, shouting accusingly.
PANEL 2. 90’s Kid is laying in traction a hospital bed, his legs and arms wrapped in casts and a bandage over the top of his head. He’s still wearing his trade-marked sunglasses and excited grin.
Driving LinkaraKar 1 was awesome! I was driving around, firing lasers and missiles, and all those totally extreme gadgets!
The flight-mode didn’t work when I drove off that cliff, though. I pressed the “S” button—you know, to fly like Superman—and instead it turned into a submarine. Weird!
PANEL 3. Linkara holds out his magic gun, tempted just for a moment.
PANEL 4. Linkara sighs, putting his gun back in his holster, as Pollo hovers nearby expectantly.
I guess I’ll take LinkaraKar 2.
PANEL 5. Pollo floats in midair, calling to the now off-panel Linkara.
You mean the Mazda?
7-LINKARA (OFF PANEL, BURSTING):
Yes, I mean the Mazda!
PAGE SIX: (5 PANELS)
PANEL 1. A blue Mazda sits parked at a university campus. Next to it is a sign stating “University of Science: Medical Center.”
PANEL 2. At the entrance to the building, DR. C. BLOCK stands in the doorway holding it open, with a clipboard in her hand and a worried expression on her face. Linkara bounds up to the door.
Linkara! Over here!
Hello, Dr. Block. I came as soon as I could!
PANEL 3. Linkara and Block race down the corridor, urgently discussing the situation.
The first cases started coming in yesterday. More keep arriving by the hour.
How bad is it?
At the rate this is spreading? Bad!
PANEL 4. Block and Linkara come to a stop outside a set of double doors. Various biohazard symbols and warning signs cover the door.
Frankly, I’ve never seen anything like this, but we heard you’d encountered it before.
PANEL 5. Curious and apprehensive, Linkara slowly pushes the door open.
PAGE SEVEN: (2 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Small panel, close up on Linkara. His face is suddenly grim with recognition.
I’ve seen this before…
PANEL 2. Wide shot of a hospital ward, with rows of patients lying on the beds. The patients are a mix of all ages, races, and both genders. The male patients have huge, impossible musculatures, often with biceps and thighs as big as if not bigger than their torsos. The female patients have thin wasp-waists with spines bent back at impossible angles. Instead of eyes, all the patients have dark lines in the middle of their faces, with expressions of agony at their new Liefieldian anatomy. All of them are wearing hospital gowns that have somehow become form-fitting with large shoulder pads.
3-LINKARA (OFF PANEL):
PAGE EIGHT: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara and Block make their way through the ward, past rows of patents on their beds. Linkara looks down grimly, while Block shakes her head.
There was a horrible epidemic back in the 90’s, but I thought it had passed.
Well, something caused another outbreak.
PANEL 2. As the two of them continue down the ward, they start to come across patients who also have brown fur covering their bodies. A few have large ears, one has a long monkey-like tail. Linkara raises an eyebrow, slightly perplexed. Block does not yet notice.
Naturally, we’re applying rigorous scientific testing, using only the safest…
PANEL 3. Dr. Block comes to a stop in front of one patient whose head now resembles a monkey, with large ears, fur, and a tail. Block’s eyes go wide.
PANEL 4: DR. C. TEAST is smiling as she leans over one of the Youngblood’s Disease patients, who also has monkey features. In her hands is a syringe filled with a faintly glowing blue liquid.
5-BLOCK (OFF PANEL):
PAGE NINE: (6 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Block angrily confronts Tease, who smiles calmly and sweetly.
What are you doing?
Well, since we don’t have a cure yet, I thought I’d try injecting them with monkey DNA!
PANEL 2. Linkara approaches cautiously. Tease smiles brightly at him, completely oblivious to anyone’s concerns while Block fails to keep the rage from showing on her face.
Why monkey DNA?
Because everything’s better with monkeys, silly!
PANEL 3. Block rubs her temples, trying to keep from exploding. Tease shrugs defensively.
Didn’t we discuss this after your half-monkey, half-pony monster?
Okay, that time I may have used too many monkeys…
PANEL 4. Block whirls around to face Linkara, with a hint of desperation. Linkara’s eyes widen.
You need to find the source of the outbreak now, before she breaks out the unicorn DNA!
PANEL 5. Linkara nods, confident and dedicated to the mission before him.
Give me whatever data you have, and I’ll start tracking it down.
PANEL 6. Dr. Tease puts her arm around Linkara’s shoulders, giving a friendly smile as she holds up the syringe in her other hand. Linkara smiles nervously.
No, thank you!
PAGE TEN: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. The same Mazda drives down a deserted street in a run-down section of the city. Boarded up abandoned buildings are on either side.
The game’s afoot!
Are you sure about this, Pollo?
PANEL 2. In the driver’s seat of the Mazda, Linkara looks down the road for anything suspicious with an annoyed expression on his face. Pollo talks to him through his wrist communicator. On the dashboard sits a device resembling a GPS, which suddenly starts beeping.
From the records provided by Dr. Block and Dr. Tease the outbreak originated here, in the seedy, abandoned warehouse district.
PANEL 3. Linkara looks down at the device on the dashboard, suddenly animated.
I’m detecting huge quantities of steroids and hair gel! We’re close!
Confirmed. What’s the plan?
PANEL 4. The Mazda comes to a sudden stop in front of an old, abandoned warehouse.
I’m going in…
…smooth and easy!
PAGE ELEVEN: (6 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Interior of the warehouse. Light shines out of a window over stacks of various crates and boxes.
PANEL 2. Same image as before. Various sounds emanate from the ceiling.
PANEL 3: Same as previous.
PANEL 4: Same image as before, only with a terrified Linkara falling face down to the floor yelling at the top of his lungs.
PANEL 5: Same background as before, once again empty, this time with the sound coming from below.
PANEL 6. Same as previous
PAGE TWELVE: (3 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara picks himself up, wincing in pain and looking around the dimly lit warehouse.
PANEL 2. Linkara’s eyes narrow as he suddenly recognizes the figures in front of him.
Of course. I should have known—
PANEL 3. Group shot of LEGION OF LIEFELD a group of hero/villains that epitomize the worst aspects of the dark 90’s anti-hero. All are standing around in a menacing poses with large, impossible muscles, tiny feet, weird hair, and no eyes (i.e. Youngblood’s Disease). Next to each of them is a caption bearing their name.
“—the Legion of Liefeld!”
Blood-Maan!: A generic Liefeld male character. He’s sneering as he brandishes two huge guns. He has brightly clashing spandex outfit, with three belts over his chest and large shoulder pads.
Blood-Grrl!: The woman of the team, with a stick-like figure except for her spherical breasts and butt. Her spine is bent forward at a 90 degree angle so she has to hunch forward. Her costume is a pair of knee-high boots, a bikini made out of red electrical tape, and three shoulder pads. In each hand is a long, curved sword.
Blood-Todler!: A Liefeldian toddler superhero, brandishing two guns that appear to be constructed from baby bottles. Costume consists of a diaper, shoulder pads, and a spiked metal pacifier.
Blood-Dawg!: A cartoon dog, standing on two legs and brandishing a huge pair of “bone- nunchucks.” Costume consists of a spiked collar, chains wrapped around the chest, and shoulder pads.
Lord McBloodyngton!, ESQ: Biggest of the group, wearing a Savile Row suit with a bowler hat, monocle, and huge shoulder pads. He has a particularly brutish face, to contrast with his dapper suit, and each hand holds the biggest, most impractical machine guns of all. His muscles are so ridiculously huge he can barely move his arms.
PAGE THIRTEEN: (4 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Blood-Maan! sneers in contempt, arms folded over his chest.
Well, well, if it isn’t the Dork Knight himself!
PANEL 2. Linkara angrily confronts Blood-maan!, who shrugs with a grin on his face.
How did you get out of the Vault, Blood-Maan!?
Not sure. Someone cracked it open from the outside—just long enough for us to escape.
PANEL 3. Blood-Maan! snaps fingers, nodding to his right where Lord McBloodyngton! grins, picking up his enormous guns.
Not that it matters!
PANEL 4. Lord McBloodyngton! screams ferociously as he fires his huge guns, shells flying everywhere. Due to his impossible muscles, he cannot aim the guns in the same direction.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
PAGE FOURTEEN: (5 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara stands there, perfectly fine, with a deadpan expression. The wall behind him and off to the side is riddled with bullet holes, some of which are still smoking.
PANEL 2. Linkara stands with the same deadpan expression, while McBloodyngton!, who has dropped his guns, struggles to bring his arms forward. Unfortunately, his intense muscles make this difficult.
Kind of hard to aim without eyes, huh?
Ugh! If I could just…get amy arms around your….
PANEL 3. Linkara has his magic gun out. Rolling his eyes, he shoots Lord McBloodyngton!, who falls backwards.
PANEL 4. Blood-maan, angrily charging forward, punches Linkara and sends him flying.
PANEL 5. Blood-Maan! angrily shouts down at Linkara (off panel), spittle flying from his mouth, as he flexes his muscles.
You mock our master, but look at the strength he gave us!
How could you possibly hope to win?
PAGE FIFTEEN: (3 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara, on the floor, slowly picks himself up. As he does so, he presses a button on his wrist communicator that beeps in response.
Oh, I may not be as strong as you, Blood-Maan!…
PANEL 2. Linkara stands up, smirking, as a large flash of blue light appears behind him.
PANEL 3. Linkara smiles triumphantly. Behind him are Pollo, NINJA STYLE DANCER (NJD) brandishing two swords, and HARVEY FINEVOICE with his signature tommy-gun. Harvey nods in Pollo’s direction.
…but I get by with a little help from my friends.
Robot told us you were having a party.
PAGE SIXTEEN: (SPLASH PAGE)
PAGE: The two groups engage each other. Blood-Maan! lunges forward, swinging at Linkara who narrowly ducks. Blood-Todler! jumps up into the air, shooting his bottle-guns at Pollo, who fires back with a red laser from his eye. Blood-Grrl! and NJD face off, swords clashing, while Blood-Dawg! bears his fangs at Harvey, who points his gun back.
3-SFX (POLLO’S LASER):
4-SFX (SWORDS CLASHING):
PAGE SEVENTEEN: (6 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Blood-Grrl! and NJD face off, swords crossed. Blood-Grrl! is snarling, leaning forward with her spine bent back at right angle.
I’ll slice you into ribbons, dance boy!
PANEL 2. NJD brings his foot up to where Blood-Grrl!’s stomach is bent back and an angle and kicks up, causing her to fall over backwards. NJD speaks through a caption box.
“Not with that posture.”
No! My center of gravity!
PANEL 3. Blood-Dawg! jumping through the air, manages to bite Harvey’s arm. Harvey yells in pain.
PANEL 4. Off panel on the left side, Harvey knocks Blood-Dawg! off. Linkara faces the right side of the panel, concerned but busy with his own fight. In the background, Pollo zaps Blood-Todler!.
6-SFX (OFF PANEL):
7-HARVY (OFF PANEL):
You okay, Harv?
PANEL 5. Harvey cradles his bitten arm stoically.
It’s fine, kid. Just a little…
PANEL 6. Harvey holds out his bitten arm, eyes wide with alarm. His arm has now grown huge, Liefieldian muscles, no longer proportional to the rest of his body.
PAGE EiGHTEEN: (5 PANELS):
PANEL 1. Harvey falls back, overwhelmed. The upper right half of his body is now ridiculously muscled, and his eyes have disappeared as Youngblood’s Disease spreads through his system.
2-LINKARA (OFF PANEL, SHOUTING):
PANEL 2. Laying on the floor, Harvey Finevoice has succumbed to Youngblood’s Disease. His tuxedo, straining to contain his bulging muscles, now has two huge shoulder-pads. He raises a hand wearily, which is clutched by a worried NJD who has knelt down beside him. Pollo hovers overhead.
Did…did somebody turn out the lights?
No, you just don’t have eyes anymore.
PANEL 3. Linkara, panicked, starts to call out to Harvey when Blood-Maan! wraps his arm around Linkara’s neck, squeezing his throat shut.
PANEL 4. Blood-Maan! grins as he holds Linkara up by the throat, watching him die. Linkara struggles to breathe.
He’s one of us now, Linkara. And there’s nothing a little boy like you can do.
PANEL 5. Close up on Linkara’s face. While still pained, Linkara suddenly has a clever smile at Blood-Maan!’s mistake.
…not a boy…
PAGE NINETEEN: (3 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara punches Blood-Maan! right in the gut, hard, shouting angrily at the top of his voice. Blood-Maan! reels back, doubling over, completely shocked at this sudden display of power.
I am a man!
PANEL 2. Linkara hits Blood-Maan! with an upper-cut, knocking him back.
But not just any man!
PANEL 3. Linkara stands over the now unconscious Blood-Maan!, one foot on Blood-Maan!’s chest, holding his fists up in the air in triumph.
I am a man…
…who reads comic books!
PAGE TWENTY: (5 PANELS)
PANEL 1. Linkara, NJD, and Pollo are waiting back at the University of Science. Linkara and NJD sit in a waiting room. Linkara cradles his now bandaged hand, while NJD sighs sympathetically.
The danger past, our heroes wait back at the University of Science.
Man, punching things hurts!
If only it weren’t such a great way to solve problems.
PANEL 2. Block and Tease burst triumphantly in to the room. Tease is holding a syringe with glowing blue liquid, smiling.
Good news! We were able to produce a cure using samples we took from the Legion!
I have a dose for your friend right now!
PANEL 3. Freezing her expression, Block suddenly grabs Tease’s wrist. Tease reacts with a protestation of innocence.
Is there any monkey DNA in that syringe?
PANEL 4. Tease guiltily confesses as Block takes the syringe from her hand, still giving the same strained smile.
Yeah, I’ll go prepare the cure myself.
PANEL 5. Pollo turns to Linkara, but despite the good news he remains and apprehensive, almost brooding.
Well, it looks like Harvey’s going to be okay.
Yeah, good thing. We’ll need him if the Vault’s been compromised.
PAGE TWENTY ONE: (6 PANELS)
PANEL 1. NJD tilts his head quizzically. Linkara gets up, preoccupied, not staring in any particular direction.
The Vault of Eternal Shame. Where the worst, most irritatingly stupid comic book trends of the past were sealed away.
PANEL 2. Linkara contemplates the situation with growing concern.
Blood-maan! said the Legion of Liefeld escaped when someone cracked it open.
How was it cracked? What else got out?
And most of all, who cracked it in the first place?
PANEL 3. Dramatic close up on Linkara.
Who’s really behind all this?
PANEL 4. Pollo hovers over Linkara’s shoulder. Linkara rolls his eyes in annoyance.
You mean Dr. Insano?
Well yeah, obviously it’s Dr. Insano. I was just trying to set up the…
PANEL 5. DR. INSANO sits in a large chair, with his back to the reader, as he watches Linkara’s conversation on a large screen.
9-LINKARA (SCREEN, TECH):
You know what? Just forget it!
Yes, Linkara. It was me who cracked open the Vault. That was step one!
And I think you’ll find step two very…
PAGE TWENTY TWO: (SPLASH PAGE)
PAGE: Insano throws his arms up in wild, maniacal laughter, in his laboratory filled with bizarre gadgets and equipment. In the center of the lab is a large tube filled with a bubbling green liquid and BLOOD-KARA!, a clone of Linkara that has been injected with Youngblood’s disease. Huge impossible muscles, he appears to be unconscious though since he no longer has eyes it’s hard to tell. The Tube is metal on the bottom and glass on the top, showing Blood-Kara! from the waist up. He is not wearing any clothes, apart from two large shoulder pads.
2-SFX (INSANO’S LAUGHTER):
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA